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The risk of putting positive or negative labels on children

The risk of putting positive or negative labels on children


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It is frequent that, in our daily work, being with our children we tell them -but how messy you are- or -you are the most beautiful in the whole school- or -how can you be such a liar- or -I have not met a girl more responsible than you -.

In general, these comments are released without realizing the impact they have on our children. Sometimes, when we make a negative comment, we do so as a result of our anger, fatigue or helplessness, the result of which other tools or strategies that we have used have not given the result that we expected; On the other hand, the positive comment that we launch, raising the qualifier employee to the maximum power, is just the moment in which we are super proud of our daughter or son.

Well, unconsciously we are hanging a poster on his emotional resume, we are putting a label.We have to be careful with the risks of putting positive or negative labels on children.

  • When I tell my daughter how super responsible she is, I am unconsciously generating that characteristic in her and making her believe it, and this quality may be present in some areas of her life, in almost all, or in all But what happens when at some point she doesn't act with that responsibility that I expect of her? Well, stress and anxiety may appear due to not meeting the expectations of your mother or father.
  • And when I tell my son or daughter how tremendously messy he is, I'm already tagging him too, and there is no doubt and it is very likely that his room is messy, but surely with his friends it is not messy; therefore, it is not messy.

With these labels we are rating your person and not your attitude. In the case of negative labels, it is better to sanction his behavior and not his person, for example, it is better to say that he has to tidy the room or that his room is messy, than to say that he is messy. And in the positive comments we make, it is more advisable to specify the behavior, for example - I congratulate you for how responsible you have been this afternoon taking care of your sister. Thus, in both cases we work directly on behavior.

Álvaro Soler, a psychologist specialized in psychotherapy, tells us that Labeling a child is easy, taking them off is not. And he explains it to us by comparing it to the cans of food that we buy in the supermarket. That, as we all know, removing the label from a boat is difficult, it costs, there are remains of paper, glue, because the same happens with the labels that we throw at our children.

Therefore, be careful with the language we use and how we say things to them, since unconsciously we can condition them to always want to please us and fulfill our wishes, a fact that does not benefit at all; or on the contrary, we can punish them with that label, thus generating low self-esteem.

You can read more articles similar to The risk of putting positive or negative labels on children, in the category of Being mothers and fathers on site.


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