The 3 types of psychological violence that destroy children

There is much talk of the cheek, and how harmful it can be in the education of children. Physical violence hurts, and it doesn't solve anything. But ... what about the other violence? Yes, that violence that comes almost imperceptibly and silently nests and expands in our children.

That terribly cruel and destructive violence, which comes through screaming, humiliation or indifference, it is psychological violence.

These are the 3 types of psychological violence that destroy children, a silent and terribly cruel violence. Learn to control yourself and never to use it with your children:

Of all the damages that can be caused to a person, probably the most painful and destructive are those that cannot be seen. Those that are forming little by little, those that grow like a spiral and feed on details, moments, wounds that at first seem ephemeral and that end up leaving an irreparable scar. Of all possible types of violence, psychological violence is perhaps the most damaging. Destroy the self-esteem of the person, his integrity. Destroy the person.

Unfortunately, children are not spared from this type of violence, which can come from their own environment or from an external environment, as is the case with bullying, when it occurs at school.

1. The humiliation
When someone humiliates a child in front of others (or in private), they bombard their self-esteem in such a way that the child feels really miserable. Humiliation, when done repeatedly, can completely nullify a child's self-esteem. But do you know how humiliation is exercised? Through constant criticism, insults, false or fabricated accusations, derogatory comments ... It is the favorite violence of children who bully another. They base their attacks on humiliation, on derogatory comments in public. They seek to destroy the self-esteem of their victim. If you want to prevent your child from feeling terribly humiliated:

- Think very well before accusing him of something, make sure you are fair in your accusation.

- Don't make disparaging comments about him.

- Do not compare him with others.

- Don't constantly criticize him for something he does not do well.

2. Brainwashing
It sounds harsh. The 'modus operandi' of sects and totalitarian parties will surely come to mind. But brainwashing is not exclusive to political or religious groups. It can be given to children in their own home. It occurs in cases in which the child's own parents (or it may be another adult) calls into question the child's psychological health.

It is adults who think that the child has a mental or behavioral problem, even if it is not true, and they treat him as such. What they achieve in this case is to generate anxiety and confusion in the child. Parents, for example, who think their child is hyperactive when he is not, and treat him as such, when their child is just nervous. They get him to end up believing that he has that problem.

3. Isolation
The most extreme phase of overprotection passes through the absolute control of the child. They are parents who choose what their child can and cannot do at all times. When you can see your friends and when you cannot see them, when you can see your relatives. They tend to forbid their children contact with other children and even with their family. In this way, the child depends exclusively on his parents. With this, the parents annul the autonomy and freedom of the child and 'lock' him in their home, creating for him a world parallel to that of reality.

These are undoubtedly extreme cases of psychological violence, but there are many others. NOr forget how destructive a scream can be or how a word or a simple look can do much more damage than a slap. Let us take care of the words, our gestures, our moments of anger. Let us take care of our impulses because the wounds heal, but the scar remains.

Many times, psychological violence is practiced by parents in a subtle, almost imperceptible way. They are not aware of the harm they are causing to their children. Here are some very common examples of psychological violence from parents towards children:

1. When a father or mother prefers to continue watching television or playing with their mobile phone before attending to the crying baby.

2. Do not give any importance to your child's problem. Use recurring phrases like: 'Don't distract me with nonsense, that doesn't matter'.

3. Constant comparisons with siblings and relatives. 'Let's see if you get good grades, like your brother' ... 'Why can't you behave well, like your cousin?'

4. When a father or mother constantly accuses a child of something (even if he has not done it), because 'it is usually him' ...

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