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It is normal that parents protect their children, that they always want to see the best in them, that they defend them and that sometimes they cannot believe what others tell them about them. But it is one thing to defend children in situations that require it, (in front of a child who hits them, for example), and another is to always defend the children's behavior. This is the case of parents who defend their children from everything and despite everything.
When we always defend the children and despite everything, we are overprotecting the child, But we are also giving him immunity from any act he does, we do not teach him to be responsible for his actions, and we also send him a not positive message, that of "you cannot help yourself", which generates insecurity in children feeling of lack of capacity.
It is not the most normal thing, but it happens sometimes, that parents justify or defend children against actions that are not "defensible". If the child returns with a note on the teacher's agenda because he has answered wrongly in class or has hit a classmate, these parents do not take action with the child, but justify his misbehavior, (" How strange it seems to me because my son never does something like this "or" will they have done something to him). And when this happens once, nothing happens, but if it is always, that we always defend children and justify them, that is when problems come.
When the child does something that is not right (hits another child, breaks a toy), and is not corrected, the child learns that this behavior is appropriate, justified and can be repeated.
Sometimes parents do not agree with the consequences that the school takes with the child. For example, the child has not brought homework for a few days, and the teacher gives him a bad grade, or leaves him a day without recess to do it. The teacher's intention is not to "annoy and make suffer" the child, but to teach him that when we do not fulfill our responsibility there are consequences. But some parents take this badly, and do not allow these actions, arguing that the child has to play and that they cannot leave him without recess. In this situation, parents take away the authority of teachers, children know it and learn that they have carte blanche. That parents will always defend them whatever they do.
Another example may be when we solve any type of problem for the child. If he gets angry or argues in the park with another child, we immediately intervene and we are the ones who solve it for him.
These situations, and similar situations, are examples of parents who defend their children despite everything, and overprotect. This has consequences for children and their emotional, social and personal development, such as:
- Not learn to take responsibility for their actions, nor to respect the rules or others.
- They become tyrant children who know they can do whatever they want.
- They don't learn to tolerate frustration because there is always someone who avoids their discomfort, so that when we are not there, they will not know how to manage it alone.
- Faced with a problem, they do not know how to handle it and it is difficult for them to solve it in a positive way.
- They may believe in themselves that they are not capable of solving problems, and they become dependent on adults.
- They may come to believe that they are always right in everything, and they do not learn from mistakes, because we teach them that mistakes belong to others and not theirs.
All this influences not only how children are now, but also how they will be in the future, when they face life without protections and without bodyguards.
What leads us parents to overprotect? Generally, what we want when we defend and protect our children is to avoid suffering for them, not to have a bad time, to be happy always, because as children it is what they have to be. But overprotecting has more negative than positive consequences.
Therefore, more than defending our child from everything and everyone, and avoiding any kind of suffering, we have to teach the child to solve problems, to take responsibility for what they do, to learn to manage emotions ... All this will do that we make our children today strong and capable adults tomorrow.
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